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Old 09-09-2019, 04:30 AM   #1
The Torch
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Random Thoughts

01. One day you’ll stop being asked what you want to be when you grow up, and instead be asked what you wanted to be.

02. A “lap” is a non-existent body part that imaginably exists only when you are sitting.

03. No wonder cats and dogs hate each other. One wags their tail when they’re excited, the other when annoyed. It’s all a huge misunderstanding.

04. It’s annoying when we walk through the same morning spider webs over and over again because it gets on us. But from the spider’s point of view, it must be devastating to have a 60 story tall Titan walk through your home destroying your livelihood and then try to kill you out of rage on a daily basis.

05. After the honey was first discovered, there was likely a period where people were taste testing any available slime from insects.

06. In 500 years a young archeologist is going to find someones preserved sketchbook with crazy monsters, dark horror beings, and evil Garfield sketches and spend his whole career trying to prove their existence.

07. Drinking milk from a different species is completely acceptable but drink milk from our own species is considered disgusting.

08. Driving the speed limit on a 1-lane road may be the easiest way to make enemies without doing anything wrong.

09. If super-power mutations ever happen, like those in X-Men, we better hope they only affect humans.

10. It’s only after you graduate/leave a place or school that they put all the fancy equipment in like AC, renovations, laptops, etc.

11. Buying erasers is literally paying for your mistakes.

12. The reason why moms always know where everything is because they’re the ones moving our things all the time.

13. Society just went ahead and made chocolate and vanilla opposites.

14. Your teacher or professor most likely copy and pasted the “No Plagiarism” clause in your class syllabus.

15. Having 6+ children in this day and age is a sign of extreme poverty or extreme wealth.

16. The reason dads make dad jokes is because their kids laugh at the silliest jokes when they’re young. So the dads get used to making them constantly. Then the kids out-grow the jokes but the dads keep making them out of habit.

17. People spend billions on movies about saving the world but no one spends billions on real life saving the world.

18. If you ever feel bad about a mistake you’ve made, just remember that Will Smith turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix so he could make Wild Wild West.

19. Everybody wants you to work hard, but nobody wants to hear about how hard you work.

20. There’s one generation of kids that know Billy Ray Cyrus for “Achy Breaky Heart”, another that knows him as Hannah Montana’s dad, and finally one that knows him for Old Town Road.

21. Your fingernails are naturally color-coded telling you where to cut.

22. Replace complaints about Millennials with “hippie” or “beatnik” and you’ll realize there will always be old people complaining about young people.

23. Your funeral is the one thing you will attend and miss simultaneously.

24. Introverts would make really good ninjas because they have mastered the art of sneaking around people to avoid talking to them.

25. Shaving is a socially acceptable way to rub a sharp object across your throat.
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I used to think that I had learned patience as I got older. Then I realized that I just didn't give a shit
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