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Old 11-05-2007, 08:18 PM   #91
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 73VetteGirl View Post




What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

One a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino.
Teresa, have you been talking to my wife?
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Old 11-05-2007, 08:24 PM   #92
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73vettegirl is sitting in a pub, when sfallison with an incredibly small head walks in and sits down next to her.
73vettegirl looks up and bursts out laughing. She asks, "What on earth happened to your head?"

sfallison replies, "I was stranded on an island and a bottle floated up. I opened it and out came a female genie. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She told me I had one wish - so I took my time and thought long and hard about what I wanted. Finally, I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of our lives making passionate love to each other. She told me that was the one wish she couldn't fulfill."

"So, then what happened?" asked the 73vettegirl

"Well, before I could think, I blurted out, 'So I suppose a little head is out of the question?'"
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Old 11-06-2007, 11:28 AM   #93
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BASSIST View Post
73vettegirl is sitting in a pub, when sfallison with an incredibly small head walks in and sits down next to her.
73vettegirl looks up and bursts out laughing. She asks, "What on earth happened to your head?"

sfallison replies, "I was stranded on an island and a bottle floated up. I opened it and out came a female genie. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She told me I had one wish - so I took my time and thought long and hard about what I wanted. Finally, I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of our lives making passionate love to each other. She told me that was the one wish she couldn't fulfill."

"So, then what happened?" asked the 73vettegirl

"Well, before I could think, I blurted out, 'So I suppose a little head is out of the question?'"
Not bad for a guy that can fart louder than a Rhino.
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1988 Competition Yellow convertible



Your Proctologist called, he found your head.

"My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday."
"Bad Minton."



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Old 11-06-2007, 11:37 AM   #94
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Bassist was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which Bassist says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100.00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

At this point Bassist will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his bass with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is playing his bass. He starts to play a beautiful ballad. He then notices that the lion starts to get sleepy and eventually goes to sleep. He grabs the lion, bags him and throws him in the back of his truck.

He goes a little further and sees another lion. Again he plays a beautiful ballad and again the lion falls asleep. This goes on all afternoon. Bassist has about 99 lions in his truck when he sees another.

He says "What the heck, one more won't hurt". He starts to play his ballad and notices that the lion is not paying any attention to him so he starts to play louder. The lion starts to run towards Bassist. Bassist starts to play faster and faster but the lion keeps coming toward him. The lion jumps on Bassist and eats him.

One of the lions on the truck turns to another lion and says, "I told you that when he gets to the deaf one the gig would be over".
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Old 11-06-2007, 11:42 AM   #95
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Bassist's favorite quote.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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1988 Competition Yellow convertible



Your Proctologist called, he found your head.

"My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday."
"Bad Minton."



Open air box, K & N, Throttle body bypass, Air Foil, AFPR. Brodix heads, Harland Sharp 1.6 roller rockers, Lingenfelter cam, Superram, 2800 stall torque converter, 3:54 rear, Melrose exhaust system, long tube headers, 3" high flow cats, LT1 mufflers. ZR1 rims 17 x 9.5 front with 275's and 17 x 11 rear with 315's
Old 11-06-2007, 12:35 PM   #96
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Bob88 goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party."

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds Bob88 waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" Bob88 replies, "Quick, I need Blue Ice (muscle pain relief).

The pharmacist, knowing what Bob88 had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."

Then Bob88 says, "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."

Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"

Bob88 replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."

Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what ? "

"The girls never showed up!"
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Old 11-06-2007, 01:56 PM   #97
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Thats right just GREEN will do
Old 11-06-2007, 06:25 PM   #98
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73VetteGirl keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

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Old 11-06-2007, 07:44 PM   #99
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73vettegirl and her friend had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been
decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very
near a graveyard and 73 suggested they do their business
behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties,
and used them and threw them away. 73 however was wearing an
expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky
enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and
proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made there
way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and
said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home
last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "73vettegirl came back with a card stuck
between the cheeks of her butt that said, `From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you.'"
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1988 Competition Yellow convertible



Your Proctologist called, he found your head.

"My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday."
"Bad Minton."



Open air box, K & N, Throttle body bypass, Air Foil, AFPR. Brodix heads, Harland Sharp 1.6 roller rockers, Lingenfelter cam, Superram, 2800 stall torque converter, 3:54 rear, Melrose exhaust system, long tube headers, 3" high flow cats, LT1 mufflers. ZR1 rims 17 x 9.5 front with 275's and 17 x 11 rear with 315's
Old 11-06-2007, 07:46 PM   #100
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73vettegirl, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.

After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.

73vettegirl was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.

The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
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1988 Competition Yellow convertible



Your Proctologist called, he found your head.

"My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday."
"Bad Minton."



Open air box, K & N, Throttle body bypass, Air Foil, AFPR. Brodix heads, Harland Sharp 1.6 roller rockers, Lingenfelter cam, Superram, 2800 stall torque converter, 3:54 rear, Melrose exhaust system, long tube headers, 3" high flow cats, LT1 mufflers. ZR1 rims 17 x 9.5 front with 275's and 17 x 11 rear with 315's
Old 11-06-2007, 07:52 PM   #101
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73vettegirl had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, 73 decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color.

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

God Replied, "Sorry 73 I didn't recognize you!"
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1988 Competition Yellow convertible



Your Proctologist called, he found your head.

"My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday."
"Bad Minton."



Open air box, K & N, Throttle body bypass, Air Foil, AFPR. Brodix heads, Harland Sharp 1.6 roller rockers, Lingenfelter cam, Superram, 2800 stall torque converter, 3:54 rear, Melrose exhaust system, long tube headers, 3" high flow cats, LT1 mufflers. ZR1 rims 17 x 9.5 front with 275's and 17 x 11 rear with 315's
Old 11-07-2007, 06:52 AM   #102
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An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town called Bob88. So she chose Bob8. they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, “I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.”

Bob88 said, “Okay.”

So she said, “Take my shoes off,” so he did.

She said, “Take my stockings off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my dress off,” and he did.

She said, “Take my bra off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my panties off,” so he did.

Finally, she said, “You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and you're fired.”
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Old 11-07-2007, 06:54 AM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BASSIST View Post
An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town called Bob88. So she chose Bob8. they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, “I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.”

Bob88 said, “Okay.”

So she said, “Take my shoes off,” so he did.

She said, “Take my stockings off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my dress off,” and he did.

She said, “Take my bra off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my panties off,” so he did.

Finally, she said, “You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and you're fired.”
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:50 AM   #104
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Thats right just GREEN will do
Old 11-07-2007, 07:59 AM   #105
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ChuckA goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a
moped (looking about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car you got there, sonny?

The ChuckA replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because, this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states ChuckA proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies ChuckA

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car,all right but I'll stick with my moped!"

Just then the light changes so Chuck decides to show the old man just what this car can do. He floors it, and within 20 seconds the
speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer.

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" Chuck asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.

Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. whoooooosh! He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.

Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's
nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

ChuckA jumps out, and unbelievably; the old man is still alive!!!

He runs up to the mangled man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers with his last dying breath, "Unhook...my
suspenders... from your side-view mirror."
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