Corvette Forum : DigitalCorvettes.com Corvette Forums banner

2281 - 2300 of 2312 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
Discussion Starter #2,281
Bob88 walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' Bob88 told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
ASSHOLE:rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
Bob88 walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' Bob88 told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
Discussion Starter #2,283
I'm sure you both know about paybacks.:laughing: :laughing:
 

·
Sir Dude
Joined
·
17,444 Posts
Bob88 walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' Bob88 told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
13,185 Posts
Iburke had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%

Iburke went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

Iburke replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
 

·
Sir Dude
Joined
·
17,444 Posts
Iburke had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%

Iburke went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

Iburke replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
Iburke had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%

Iburke went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

Iburke replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
:rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
13,185 Posts
Bob88 asked 73 Vettegirl (his wife of many years) "Honey what would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replied "I'd take half and leave your ass"

"Good, I won $12.00 here's $6 now get your **** and get the hell out"
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
Bob88 was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

As bob was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

:laughing:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
13,185 Posts
Bob88 was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

As bob was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

:laughing:
:nuts: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,097 Posts
Bob88 was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

As bob was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

:laughing:
:thud: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
13,185 Posts
Bob88 and 73Vettegirl made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, Bob was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,

"Teresa...Teresa "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .."
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
Bob88 and 73Vettegirl made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, Bob was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact,

"Teresa...Teresa "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona .."
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
Discussion Starter #2,295
I thought this thread died a long time ago.:rolling: :rolling:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
Discussion Starter #2,297
Rjent visits his doctor. “Doc, you’ve gotta help me! My wife just isn’t interested in sex anymore. Haven’t you got a pill or something I can give her?”

“Look, I can’t prescribe anything…”

“Doc, we’ve been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I’m desperate! I can’t think; I can’t concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You’ve got to help me.”

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. “Ordinarily, I wouldn’t do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they’re VERY powerful. Don’t give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE.”

“I don’t know, doc. She’s awfully cold.”

“One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?”

“Um… okay.” Rjent thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste he pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife’s coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes… he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, “I need a man…”

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies, “Me too"

:laughing: :laughing:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
Rjent visits his doctor. “Doc, you’ve gotta help me! My wife just isn’t interested in sex anymore. Haven’t you got a pill or something I can give her?”

“Look, I can’t prescribe anything…”

“Doc, we’ve been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I’m desperate! I can’t think; I can’t concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You’ve got to help me.”

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. “Ordinarily, I wouldn’t do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they’re VERY powerful. Don’t give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE.”

“I don’t know, doc. She’s awfully cold.”

“One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?”

“Um… okay.” Rjent thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste he pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife’s coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes… he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, “I need a man…”

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies, “Me too"

:laughing: :laughing:
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
Sir Dude
Joined
·
17,444 Posts
Rjent visits his doctor. “Doc, you’ve gotta help me! My wife just isn’t interested in sex anymore. Haven’t you got a pill or something I can give her?”

“Look, I can’t prescribe anything…”

“Doc, we’ve been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I’m desperate! I can’t think; I can’t concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You’ve got to help me.”

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. “Ordinarily, I wouldn’t do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they’re VERY powerful. Don’t give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE.”

“I don’t know, doc. She’s awfully cold.”

“One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?”

“Um… okay.” Rjent thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste he pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife’s coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes… he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, “I need a man…”

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies, “Me too"

:laughing: :laughing:
:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
12,250 Posts
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a 73vettegirl, with a baby in her arms :surprised , entered bob88's butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally bob offered to provide 73vettegirl with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

Bob had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," Bob said with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told 73vettegirl.

73vettegirl nodded and said, "Exotix, :nuts: go back to the butcher shop and tell Bob I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries from Iburke's store for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

:laughing:
 
2281 - 2300 of 2312 Posts
Top