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A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman, Rjent who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Im afraid I cant" breathes Rjent - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room." :rolling:
 

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Discussion Starter #83
sfallison comes home and finds his wife, 73vettegirl, sitting on the porch with her suitcases. What are you doing, he asks. I'm leaving you, she says. Why are you doing that, he asks. She says I found out I can get $400 for what I'm giving you for free.

sfallison thinks for a minute, goes in the house and comes out with a suitcase.
What do you think you're doing, she asks. I'm going with you, I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year.:rolling: :rolling:
 

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A Bob88 took his daughter to the Gynocologist.
They waited in the Doctors office when finally the Doctor came in and asked Bob88: "Well, what are we here for today"?
Bob answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".
"Well, is your daughter sexually active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered Bob88, "she just lays there like her mother". :smack
 

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Bassist goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where Bassist can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop...bass solo begins." :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
 

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Patrick Might Be A Racer If...

"Patrick might be a racer if ..."

- He thinks the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
- He takes his helmet along when he goes to buy new eyeglasses or check out cars.
- He feels compelled on a road trip to beat his previous best time.
- He is happiest when his street car's tires are worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing.
- When something falls off of his car, he wonders how much weight he just saved.
- When he hears 'overcooked it', instead of food he thinks 'off the track'.
- He sometimes hears little noises from his passengers when he gets on the throttle right after turning in.
- He thoroughly enjoys showing the tailgater behind how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
- His racing budget is one of the big three -- mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
- He been known to yell "It means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at his television.
- He buys new parts because he doesn't know where he put the spares.
- He bought a race car before buying a house.
- He bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
- He is looking for a tow vehicle and still hasn't bought furniture!
- He finds that he needs a new house because he has outgrown his garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if he parks one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard. :rolling:
 

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Bassist goes on vacation to a tropical island. As soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums. He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears drums. He tries to go to sleep, yet he hears drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to the point where Bassist can't sleep at night because of the drums. Finally, he goes down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager, "Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says, "No! Drums must never stop. It's very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop...bass solo begins." :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:
:spanked:

Now it's gonna get ugly :devil:
 

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:spanked:

Now it's gonna get ugly :devil:
:rolling: :smack :rolling:



What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

One a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino. :smack :smack
 

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Rjent, Bassist, Bob, 73vettegirl and I all die at the same time...

Up at the pearly gates, St. Peter informs us that as we lived in life, so we get to drive around in Heaven.

As we're all driving around in our Vettes... we happen to see 73vettegirl trying to hitch a ride....
 

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:rolling: :smack :rolling:



What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

One a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino. :smack :smack
Teresa, have you been talking to my wife? :laughing:
 

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73vettegirl is sitting in a pub, when sfallison with an incredibly small head walks in and sits down next to her.
73vettegirl looks up and bursts out laughing. She asks, "What on earth happened to your head?"

sfallison replies, "I was stranded on an island and a bottle floated up. I opened it and out came a female genie. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She told me I had one wish - so I took my time and thought long and hard about what I wanted. Finally, I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of our lives making passionate love to each other. She told me that was the one wish she couldn't fulfill."

"So, then what happened?" asked the 73vettegirl

"Well, before I could think, I blurted out, 'So I suppose a little head is out of the question?'"
 

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Discussion Starter #93
73vettegirl is sitting in a pub, when sfallison with an incredibly small head walks in and sits down next to her.
73vettegirl looks up and bursts out laughing. She asks, "What on earth happened to your head?"

sfallison replies, "I was stranded on an island and a bottle floated up. I opened it and out came a female genie. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She told me I had one wish - so I took my time and thought long and hard about what I wanted. Finally, I told her that I wanted to spend the rest of our lives making passionate love to each other. She told me that was the one wish she couldn't fulfill."

"So, then what happened?" asked the 73vettegirl

"Well, before I could think, I blurted out, 'So I suppose a little head is out of the question?'"
Not bad for a guy that can fart louder than a Rhino.:smack :smack :smack
 

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Bassist was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."

To which Bassist says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100.00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"

At this point Bassist will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his bass with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is playing his bass. He starts to play a beautiful ballad. He then notices that the lion starts to get sleepy and eventually goes to sleep. He grabs the lion, bags him and throws him in the back of his truck.

He goes a little further and sees another lion. Again he plays a beautiful ballad and again the lion falls asleep. This goes on all afternoon. Bassist has about 99 lions in his truck when he sees another.

He says "What the heck, one more won't hurt". He starts to play his ballad and notices that the lion is not paying any attention to him so he starts to play louder. The lion starts to run towards Bassist. Bassist starts to play faster and faster but the lion keeps coming toward him. The lion jumps on Bassist and eats him.

One of the lions on the truck turns to another lion and says, "I told you that when he gets to the deaf one the gig would be over". :rolling:
 

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Discussion Starter #95
Bassist's favorite quote.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.:smack :smack
 

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Bob88 goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they are hot, very hot. Would you have something to get me going all night? It's going to be a hell of a party."

The pharmacist goes in the back room, comes back with an old dusty bottle and says, "This stuff is potent: drink only one ounce of it, and I guarantee that you will be doing the wild thing all night. Let me know how it goes."

The weekend goes by and on Monday morning, the pharmacist goes to work and finds Bob88 waiting for him on the door-step. The pharmacist says, "What are you doing here so early? How was your weekend?" Bob88 replies, "Quick, I need Blue Ice (muscle pain relief).

The pharmacist, knowing what Bob88 had been doing all weekend, says, "Are you crazy, you can't put that on your penis. The skin is way too sensitive."

Then Bob88 says, "No, no, It's not for that, it's for my arm."

Pharmacist: "What?? What happened?"

Bob88 replies, "Well...I drank the whole bottle of your potion."

Pharmacist: "Oh my god, and then what ? "

"The girls never showed up!" :thud: :rolling:
 

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73VetteGirl keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

:devil:
 

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Discussion Starter #99
73vettegirl and her friend had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been
decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very
near a graveyard and 73 suggested they do their business
behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties,
and used them and threw them away. 73 however was wearing an
expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky
enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and
proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made there
way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and
said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home
last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "73vettegirl came back with a card stuck
between the cheeks of her butt that said, `From all of us at the Fire
Station. We'll never forget you.'"
 

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Discussion Starter #100
73vettegirl, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.

After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.

73vettegirl was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.

The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
 
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