Corvette Forum : DigitalCorvettes.com Corvette Forums banner

1 - 20 of 25 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
A couple both 76 go to the sex therapist and ask him to watch them having intercourse. He's a little puzzled, but agrees.

When they finished the doctor said there's nothing wrong with you, and charged them $50

This happened several weeks in a row, and the doctor finally said, just what are you trying to find out.

The old man said we're not trying to find anything out. We're both married and can't go to our houses, Holiday Inn charges $90
Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50 and get $43 back from medicare. :laughing: :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Bob88con said:
A couple both 76 go to the sex therapist and ask him to watch them having intercourse. He's a little puzzled, but agrees.

When they finished the doctor said there's nothing wrong with you, and charged them $50

This happened several weeks in a row, and the doctor finally said, just what are you trying to find out.

The old man said we're not trying to find anything out. We're both married and can't go to our houses, Holiday Inn charges $90
Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50 and get $43 back from medicare. :laughing: :laughing:
:laughing: :laughing: Thats a good one!
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
32,974 Posts
A man goes golfing and his wife comes along for company. Well he's having the round of his like when on the seventeenth hole he hits the ball behind the bathroom. He's mad now because he's nine under and this is for sure gonna mess his round up but his wife sees that if she holds the door open he can hit it through the bathroom and has a perfect look at the flag.He hits the ball it bounces off the door hits his wife in the head and she dies. Three years later he is remarried and is golfing on the same course when the same situation comes up. his new wife shows him if he hits it through the bathroom he will have a perfect look at the flag. At this point he gets all teary eyed and explains how the last time he tried that he took an eight on the hole and ruined the best round of his life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
raidmagic said:
A man goes golfing and his wife comes along for company. Well he's having the round of his like when on the seventeenth hole he hits the ball behind the bathroom. He's mad now because he's nine under and this is for sure gonna mess his round up but his wife sees that if she holds the door open he can hit it through the bathroom and has a perfect look at the flag.He hits the ball it bounces off the door hits his wife in the head and she dies. Three years later he is remarried and is golfing on the same course when the same situation comes up. his new wife shows him if he hits it through the bathroom he will have a perfect look at the flag. At this point he gets all teary eyed and explains how the last time he tried that he took an eight on the hole and ruined the best round of his life.
:laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
335 Posts
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large…all in the name of humor.” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
basecorvette said:
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large…all in the name of humor.” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”
I've heard that before but its still hilarious! :laughing:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
32,974 Posts
basecorvette said:
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large…all in the name of humor.” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”
That's great!!:laughing: :laughing:
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
32,974 Posts
This lady goes to a golf pro for help with her game. She shows him she can hit the ball straight as an arrow just not very far. he's sees the problem right away and tells her shes gripping the club to tight and says to hold the club as she would hold her husbands penis during sex. The next shot goes 300 yards right down the middle the golf pro says that's great!! now take the club out of your mouth...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
raidmagic said:
This lady goes to a golf pro for help with her game. She shows him she can hit the ball straight as an arrow just not very far. he's sees the problem right away and tells her shes gripping the club to tight and says to hold the club as she would hold her husbands penis during sex. The next shot goes 300 yards right down the middle the golf pro says that's great!! now take the club out of your mouth...
OMG!! That is hilarious!!!!!!:laughing: :laughing: :thumbsup:


Keep them coming everyone!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
raidmagic said:
This lady goes to a golf pro for help with her game. She shows him she can hit the ball straight as an arrow just not very far. he's sees the problem right away and tells her shes gripping the club to tight and says to hold the club as she would hold her husbands penis during sex. The next shot goes 300 yards right down the middle the golf pro says that's great!! now take the club out of your mouth...

Ok Steve, I'll give you one for that, that was pretty funny. :laughing:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
On a flight to New York the stewardess approached a blonde sitting in first class and asked her to move because she did'nt have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, I'm blonde, beautiful and going to New York, I'm not moving.

The stewardess asked the copilot to talk to her, but he got the same answer.

They then asked the pilot, and he said, I'll take care of it my wife is a blonde.

He walks over to her and says something, and she jumps up and runs to a seat in coach.

When he returned, they said, what did you say to her. I told her first class was'nt going to New York.

:laughing: :laughing:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,627 Posts
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast exposed.

A policeman comes up to her and says, you know I could arrest you for indecent exposure.

Why? She says.

Because your right breast is exposed.

Oh my God, I left the baby on the bus. :laughing: :laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Bob88con said:
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast exposed.

A policeman comes up to her and says, you know I could arrest you for indecent exposure.

Why? She says.

Because your right breast is exposed.

Oh my God, I left the baby on the bus. :laughing: :laughing:
:laughing: :laughing: Thats a good one!!!
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
32,974 Posts
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for three years, and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my fiancée? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a smart, confident career woman, but most of all she was unbelievably sexy. She often openly flirted with me, which piqued my curiosity and made me quite uncomfortable at the same time. One day she called me and asked me to come over to review the wedding invitations. When I got there, I realized she was alone. As we looked at the invitations, she whispered in my ear: "Soon you will be married, but you must know that I have feelings for you that I can no longer ignore. Before you commit your life to my daughter, please make love to me just once". I was in total shock.... what could I say? As I sat there dumbfounded she said: "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you share my yearnings, just come up and take me." Still dazed, I watched her magnificent form as she walked up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then turned around and went to the front door. Slowly, I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Amazingly, her husband was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said: "We are so happy. You have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." I will never forget the day I earned the trust of my in-laws, nor the valuable life lesson I learned on the front steps of my wife's childhood home............... Always, always, always, keep your condoms in your car.
 

·
DC Crew
Joined
·
53,209 Posts
Bob88con said:
On a flight to New York the stewardess approached a blonde sitting in first class and asked her to move because she did'nt have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, I'm blonde, beautiful and going to New York, I'm not moving.

The stewardess asked the copilot to talk to her, but he got the same answer.

They then asked the pilot, and he said, I'll take care of it my wife is a blonde.

He walks over to her and says something, and she jumps up and runs to a seat in coach.

When he returned, they said, what did you say to her. I told her first class was'nt going to New York.

:laughing: :laughing:
:excited: :thumbsup: :excited:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,890 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
raidmagic said:
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for three years, and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my fiancée? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a smart, confident career woman, but most of all she was unbelievably sexy. She often openly flirted with me, which piqued my curiosity and made me quite uncomfortable at the same time. One day she called me and asked me to come over to review the wedding invitations. When I got there, I realized she was alone. As we looked at the invitations, she whispered in my ear: "Soon you will be married, but you must know that I have feelings for you that I can no longer ignore. Before you commit your life to my daughter, please make love to me just once". I was in total shock.... what could I say? As I sat there dumbfounded she said: "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you share my yearnings, just come up and take me." Still dazed, I watched her magnificent form as she walked up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then turned around and went to the front door. Slowly, I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Amazingly, her husband was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said: "We are so happy. You have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." I will never forget the day I earned the trust of my in-laws, nor the valuable life lesson I learned on the front steps of my wife's childhood home............... Always, always, always, keep your condoms in your car.
:laughing: :thumbsup:
 
1 - 20 of 25 Posts
Top