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DC PIT CREW BOSS
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01. Heist movies based on Real heists make more money than the heist itself.

02. We laugh at dogs getting excited when they hear a bark on TV, but if the TV was a nonstop stream of unintelligible noises and then someone suddenly spoke to you in your language, you’d be quite startled too.

03. Aquaman’s skin is impenetrable by normal blades, bullets and more… Which makes you wonder how he got his tattoos in the 2018 movie.

04. Given how often your character dies in video games, in most timelines, the bad guys win.

05. You actually are the boss fight for every enemy in the game.

06. It must have been significantly harder to feed a toddler before the invention of the airplane.

07. If you have an organ donor card, you will drop loot when you die.

08. We live in a world where GTA is a kid’s game and Candy Crush is an adult’s game.

09. Bees build homes with their mouths and defend with their butts. Spiders build homes with their butts and defend with their mouths.

10. Most girls will never experience the feeling of rubbing your hand on the back of your head after you get a haircut.

11. The reason it seems like everyone in public restrooms always has crazy diarrhea is probably that no one really wants to sh*t in a public restroom unless it’s an emergency.

12. These must be very confusing times for drug-sniffing dogs in a lot of states.

13. It’s weird how Kevin Macallister woke up from the sound of a car door when he couldn’t hear his entire family leaving before.

14. A foam pit is a good place to find out how far you can throw a child.

15. It’s both creepy and impressive how quickly Wikipedia articles are edited after someone’s death to change certain verbs to past tense.

16. Summer camps weren’t your vacations, they were actually your parent’s.

17. Stormtroopers must be brilliant at Russian Roulette.

18. The first guy that died with life insurance never knew if it was a scam.

19. If your children argue over which is the favorite child, then you’ve treated them all equally.

20. Someone in Iceland who celebrates Ramadan when it falls in the winter doesn’t have to fast because the sun neither rises nor sets.

21. Pizza is something you can buy in any quantity without people questioning you. You buy 1-2 slices it’s for you, you buy a whole pizza it’s for you and a friend or your family, you buy 3-4 whole pizzas it’s for a party, you buy 6-7 it’s for a celebration like a wedding or graduation. It doesn’t matter.

22. Considering how easily people with working brains break their legs and fall into holes there’s no way a zombie uprising would make it to apocalypse level.

23. Hot-headed is bad, but warm-hearted is good. Cool-headed is good, but cold-hearted is bad.

24. In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it’s a good thing the squirrel didn’t think Veruca Salt’s head was a good nut, or else she would have been mauled to death in front of the remaining children instead of thrown (alive) into the garbage.

25. Science fiction probably accurately predicts what space ships will look like because geeky scientists will likely model ships after those in science fiction.
 

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21. Pizza is something you can buy in any quantity without people questioning you. You buy 1-2 slices it’s for you, you buy a whole pizza it’s for you and a friend or your family, you buy 3-4 whole pizzas it’s for a party, you buy 6-7 it’s for a celebration like a wedding or graduation. It doesn’t matter.

Beer! --is something you can buy in any quantity without people questioning you.
 
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