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DC PIT CREW BOSS
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Braking gnus: Rocks, stones and skippers have filed a lawsuit in public media today after one too many comparisons to being dumber than Joe Biden. Skipping stones were outraged as they claim they "have a better ability to skate over the troubled waters than some hack politician" when properly employed.

Lawyers representing rocks were also disturbed when questioned that this was just a political stunt to get rocks their 15 minutes of fame, replying "the public oftens asserts statements that are unproven, even misinformation, and suing humankind is an appropriate legal relief for their slander!" They reinforced the point by adding, "Jeff Epstein didn't kill himself."

They presented an old clip of Joe Biden stating "I don't want my kids to grow up in a racial jungle." as an example of how the public continually twists the narrative to fit their version of reality, and reminded opponents that this legal and peaceful procedure is a better than stones rioting and attacking humans. "Don't ignore our pleas and force us to stone our opponents!" Critics were notably silent on that point as the discussion advanced to what venue the suit will be pursued and the terms of relief. Lawyers stated they were suing for $1 and expenses as the contention was one of principle not financial adventurism in the courts.

They concluded that as humans go about their business today, to consider what they build the foundations of their beliefs on, and reminded the attendees of the briefing that things could be a lot worse - if rocks went on strike, then the only thing left would be sand - which universally has a poor reputation of standing up to the storm. Sand it well known for it's shifty and unreliable foundations with disastrous consequences.

"Build your homes on rock or suffer the depredations of sand!" they cautioned, pointing out historical events which were also based on sand, such as Hurricane Sandy or the mass shooting at Sandy Hook. "Sand never withstands the tides of time. Only rock endures. Build your life on rock."
 
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